Light at the end of the tunnel

I am sure everyone is sick if seeing my Facebook posts but they were mainly for me do I knew even though I felt like crap that I was/am getting better. Here is how it all went down.

Thursday came and we got up and headed into the hospital. My doc is amazing and was kind enough to come in on his non surgery day to preform my surgery. Let's pause here and talk about my doc. 

First off you just know I love my religion and I have had many of my own experiences with faith and the whole he-knows-what-he-is-doing thing but this was a whole other level. This was my second miscarriage in 6 months and we used this office before but I really didn't enjoy it but when I asked for new recommendations everyone kept saying go there so we decided to try it again but with a different doc. So as I went in for my first appointment I was a little nervous. Then when there was no heart beat it got scary. Well the nurse went to talk to a doc and we went to wait for him, this is when it all changed. I was waiting for a doctor Bruce but in walks a man who introduced himself as Doctor Evans. I didn't say anything because I honestly didn't care at this point I just wanted it to be over with and to figure out the next step. So as we were talking he asked where we were from our go to answer is "a little town outside if St. George Utah" (we are lucky enough if they know where St. George is, let alone Hurricane) then he said oh like Hurricane or Santa Clara. I was in shock first off he knew Hurricane but second he said it correctly! He proceeded to say his mission comp was from there and his sister ended up marrying and living there. For us it was a huge boost in faith. We found a doc who is of our religion (not that it mattered but it was/is nice) and knows where we are from. He is an amazing doctor his nurse called a couple days after surgery to check on me. Then when I went to the ER (keep reading for that info) he called Ben to make sure all was well and that I was getting the stuff I needed, he is amazing!

So back to Thursday. We got to the hospital checked in and well waited and as normal emergencies came in and we got pushed back further and further. Finally for hours later they called me back to pre op. I hated it. They were giving me a iv and blew three veins before putting it in my wrist in the most painful way possible. Poor Ben wasn't sure what to do. he had over come all the feelings of miscarriage with me but seeing the simple pain if the iv nearly killed the kid because he saw what I was having to physically go through to physically move on. Finally they took me back and I honestly have no clue what happened in the surgery. I mean I know what was suppose to happen and I know it went well but the drugs were so amazing I didn't remember anything. Until I woke up. They didn't give me enough drugs when I came out of it and I woke up screaming. I was screaming enough I woke up two other patients. It was bad until they got the drugs in me.

Then I was just so scared all I wanted was to be with Ben I didn't care what had to happen he needed to be there now. And they obliged next thing I know Ben is getting me dressed giving me water and taking me to the car. Of course many off things were said as I left and the nurses told Ben I was so concerned about them and wanting to help that I nearly had a panic attack when I couldn't help them. So I made it home and slept. The next day was ok I had mild cramps and bleeding and was just exhausted and couldn't move. Finally my mom made it down and I realized I needed another day or recovery before I dare take Christian. Luckily his dad only worked that day before his weekend so I had until Tuesday (today) off. I was relieved and decided to try to recover a little to fast. 

Days were nice I kept myself busy because I hated that my mom and husband had to take care of me I felt like I was old enough that I needed to entertain and take care of them. I was severely wrong. Sunday morning after Ben got home I did my midnight/early morning pee and pill. Normally an hour later I would have been zonked out and sleeping like a log with no pain. But that was definitely not the case. I couldn't move I couldn't relax. My muscles were so tense I didn't know how to relax them. Finally I started to yell for Ben but he was asleep and with three walls between is there was no way he would hear me. So I bucked up cleaned myself off washed my hands and tried to walk to our room. I got three feet and fell over and crawled until he heard me screaming his name. He got dressed got the car warm got me warmed woke my mom up and they carried me to the car. The ride to the ER was not fun. First I haven't been a fan if our hospital in town. I had gone in before and was treated so poorly that from then out any ER visit was one we took all the way to Sierra Vista (an hour away). However I needed to get checked now because the pain was only getting worse. So I got checked in they gave me a iv, one which I was very scared for but the nurse got it on the first try with no pain. Took my blood samples and gave me some morphine. Now to tell you how much pain I was in, I was still feeling the cramps but they felt a little more normal, but that only lasted 1.5 hours. Normally it should have lasted 2.5 hours so they knew something needed to be done soon. So after a scan and two doctors they found a few blood clots in my uterus. And these needed to be passed naturally and would be extremely painful. So they gave Ben the Rx, gave me some more morphine, got me dressed and sent me home. I came home to my house smelling amazing. To a clean home that I could only imagine would take me a week. See during my pregnancy I was throwing up at least 4 times a day. I was so tired and the smell of food made it worse so I basically did nothing and I hated it but Ben took it like a man and did double duty of work and house husband. But things got overlooked and we knew we would get them done when I was done reocvering but we came home to them all done. And that is what I needed was to stop worrying about those things, it was ok to be taken care of. And focus on healing. 

And so I have been. I passed the clots with horrible pain one I hope people never have to experience. Now I have a hard time sitting for to long or standing without help. I can walk but it takes me about 6 steps to keep with Bens one step. But he waits or carries me. I am getting off the drugs in the day and only using them at night now and will hopeful be off them in a day or so. I can't bend over and I can't lift. Also because I had a hard time eating while pregnant Ben has had to keep on a simple diet until I am able to process foods. But I am alive and am healing. 

I am so grateful for everyone's help. Especially my mom and bens. I am also thankful for those who may not realize they are helping. My YW presidency and little mans other baby sitter it is nice to not have to worry while I heal. 

Love you all!